Beginning, at the beginning. Again.

Every year, I start of the year with the best of intentions. This is going to be the year I finally get my life together and lose all the weight I have to lose. Join the gym and stick to it. Get skinny. Run a marathon……… the list goes on. I’d join whatever slimming group I’d decided that I was going to do this year and that would last until approx feb or march then I’d run out of steam and give up, full of the millions of excuses that typically I’d use, which I’m not going to go into here.

This year, is going to be different. I’m different. I have a completely different feeling about the year ahead and a realistic outlook that I know is going to take me all the way to where I want to go.

The most important thing to me right now is that everything I do has to be realistic.  Yes, I want to lose weight, I have a substantial amount of weight to lose, but expecting to lose 5lb a week every week isn’t realistic.  And I would expect, obviously, for it to come off with the least amount of effort possible.

Toward the end of last year I started getting really unhappy with the way I looked. I had put on about a stone and a half, 21 lbs, in a year and felt uncomfortable in my body, and the stress it put on my joints, so I continued moaning about it without actually doing anything to help it.

Then, I woke up on the 1st of Jan with a surge of determination.  I was going to do this.  But I needed to do something that I knew, in my heart, worked for me.  And that for me equals Weight Watchers.  I’ve done it before, and it worked for me. Unfortunately in the past I’ve had issues with severe re-occurring depression which made losing weight and keeping it off a pointless battle.  However, I’ve been on anti-depressants permanently for over 3 years, so that is no longer an issue for me.

So, I decided to go back to weight watchers, they have a new program out (and no, this isn’t sponsored, this is just my opinion) which seemed, when looking at it, to be straight forward and really similar to what they had before, just more user friendly.  I signed up that lunchtime to do it exclusively online.   This is because I work shifts, and I hate bouncing from class to class getting weighed on different days each week.  It doesn’t work for me.  So, I signed up for 12 weeks (and they were having a sale so it was half price, bonus for me!)  If I find that just being online doesn’t work, at the end of march when my subscription runs out I’ll look at the options again, and see what I can do.

But from the moment I signed up again, I’ve just been filled with confidence and anticipation.  Because I know this is my time to lose this weight once and for all. I’m 35 and I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was fourteen years old, which is the first time I ever joined weight watchers.

Looking back on it I was way too young to go, and my mum didn’t want me to join at all, said I was too young but I went to the doctor and had him sign the piece of paper that said, yes, I was over my ideal weight for my height, so he’d agree to let me go.

When I went and got weighed, I was approx a stone and a half over weight. That’s it. That’s nothing. But, looking back to the self-conscious teenager I was then, to me it was a big thing. Everyone else, at least to my warped way of thinking, was thinner and prettier than me.  Looking at photos taken around that age I want to kick myself because yes, I was curvy, but I was so slim and beautiful.  But, I didn’t see it. And, being so young, didn’t stick to it and ended up giving up.

So since then my weight has gone up, and up, and up, back down a bit, up, up, down a bit more, way back up and finally to the weight I was on Sunday 1st Jan, 2017.

I’m the biggest I’ve been in a while.  At 19st 1lb, or 267lb or 121 kg depending on preference, I have a BMI of 46.  FORTY SIX per cent of me is fat. That is horrifying.  But, it’s just the starting point.

I’ve been weighed, measured and done my BMI.  I know all I need to know about myself physically to go forward.  I took photos in my bra and legging and ……….. yeah. That wasn’t fun.  But, and I’ll keep repeating this, it’s a starting point.

This is my fifth day doing this, and I haven’t felt hungry once. I’m eating three meals a day and snacks of fruit, if I need it.  I’m trying to drink at least 2 litres of water a day, and up my exercise as well as use a journal to track how I’m doing mentally and emotionally.

I feel amazing. Over the past few days, since I got a goji go (like a fitbit, just lower cost) its been encouraging me to walk more, and today, for the first time in god knows how long I actually walked over 10,000 steps.  I was over the moon when I discovered and I find that I can’t wait until sunday to see my weight loss. The first weight loss is a boost, then I want to ideally lose between a pound and two pounds a week, and that way, I can lose the weight and keep it off.

Sunday, I’m going to register at my local gym, and get my exercise on. The thought is daunting but I know that there are lots of people who struggle with their weight that go to the gym, so hopefully it won’t be too bad. I always have the fear of being the biggest in the room, but honestly, even if I was, so what? I’m there to get fit and healthy, not to win a beauty contest.  If it helps, I’ll do it.

The only thing I can’t do right now, is swimming because I’m having problems with my eczema.  It’s really bad and really obvious so until it settles down again, just the thought of being seen makes me cringe.  In regards to my eczema, I think it comes from all the unhealthy and additive filled foods I was eating last year, so I’m going to give it a month and if it doesn’t improve, then I’ll go back to the doctor and ask to be referred to the allergy clinic.

So, as first posts go, this was kind of rambling but I got my thoughts down, which is most important.  I’m going to try to post here at least twice a week, if not more. I’ll be back on sunday with my week 1 weigh in results.

 

2 thoughts on “Beginning, at the beginning. Again.

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